dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
