can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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