If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
