This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
