No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
