I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
