Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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