We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
they need to just BURY HIM!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
