Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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