it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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