It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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