I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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