I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
