After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am one with the molecules
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
