Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
