Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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