She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
