We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
