Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
