Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
