i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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