never play flip cup with pint glasses
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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