I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
