It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize