who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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