I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
