Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
