I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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