coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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