I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
worst night to have a conscience
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
