Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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