I think i peed on brittanys purse
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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