So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
