he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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