Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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