They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
