I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
