The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
