Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize