Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
