So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
