I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
