Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So vagazzling was a success
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize