I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
