My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Even my vagina gasped.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
