I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The power of my boobs compel you
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
