dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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