I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
