Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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