Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize