How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
