sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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