Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
