is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
