The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
