Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
