ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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