My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
