Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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