I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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