Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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