the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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