Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
