walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
