I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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