planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
