I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize