dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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