no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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