he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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