called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
