I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
