Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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