You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
pop tarts are not kleenex
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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