Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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