dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
